A Naturalist Proposes Marriage

My darling, I love you. I cannot help myself and I have no free will in this matter. What I mean by that is some evolutionary instinct in me recognizes clues to your abundant fertility and motivates me to offer this circlet capped with crystallized carbon according to current human conventions in order to engage in the continuation of our species. I am unalterably drawn to this requirement by forces of cause and effect over which I have no control and I do hope that you are irresistibly compelled by the same motives so that the unalterable laws of cause and effect in nature will bring us together for an evolutionarily satisfying union which convention calls marriage.

So, ladies, would you accept? Guys, a new way to propose?

About Derek Leman

IT guy working in the associations industry. Formerly a congregational rabbi. Dad of 8. Nerd.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to A Naturalist Proposes Marriage

  1. This is how I imagine Sheldon from Big Bang Theory might propose.

  2. Julie says:

    Hmm… some guys are just way more attractive before they open their mouth.

  3. drake82dunaway says:

    Classical teleology: A fish sees because it needs to know where it’s going.

    Naturalist: A fish sees because it has eyes.

  4. praesto12 says:

    Absolutely great points!!! Yes, I think he’d have to admit that eventually he would cheat on his new wife as well if he found a more fertile mate. He’d also have to say that since morality is a cultural constraint that he may or may not feel any obligation to be loyal,defend her, not steal money from her or whomever he wanted, and that when she died that he would not need to feel anything. Also he’d have to say that his love is simply a chemical byproduct of a confused horny ape-mind.

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