The Cycle of Study: Confusion First

This brief post may be something that is more a quirk of mine than a common experience any other reader will share. I don’t know how it is for others, but I have been through this pattern so many times myself.

I find that I sometimes get embroiled in a study of some topic. In this case, it happens to be the meaning of Yeshua’s life (or his aims). I study the topic, reading various authors, taking walks to ponder things, thinking while driving, musing while trying to go to sleep, and waking to thoughts of the same topic. The topic for a while takes over my life.

And I find I get in a sort of cycle. In the past, the cycle has been confusion, frustration, loss of perspective, and (hopefully) new insight.

Anyway, I am in the middle of thought and hoping that confusion, frustration, and loss of perspective will lead to insight. Meanwhile, all other topics bore me at the moment and though study and thought are allegedly my job, I find that a million other concerns crowd my time.

Once, when I was studying the topic of love and all its meanings between God and people, I was so frustrated for a few days, I thought I would spend the rest of my life depressed about it. Then I simply read C.S. Lewis’s The Four Loves and the issue was resolved.

I don’t know how this cycle will end. It may spiral into other questions and issues. But I know that I would not choose any other life than a life of study, no matter how agonizing it can be at times.


About Derek Leman

IT guy working in the associations industry. Formerly a congregational rabbi. Dad of 8. Nerd.
This entry was posted in Messianic Jewish, Theology. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Cycle of Study: Confusion First

  1. net2merc says:


    I love your unique candor about self and life’s pursuits and issues. I think it’s a gift to others. Thank you.

    To me, life is about the pursuit of God (if we’re aware enough), acquiring knowledge and the meaning of our purpose in this life. And, being only humans our limited capacity limits our sense of gratification. In other words, the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know. So that’s when to slow down and rest in the Almighty G-o-d.

    Sounds simple…but it’s not.

  2. net2merc says:

    When I come to this point of my brain on overload, I know I must go outside, look up to the sky, take a deep breath, and thank God that He knows everything and that I can have what I can hold…and that’s all. I clear my mind, and He gives me what I need.

    Enjoying thinking with you.


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