This brief post may be something that is more a quirk of mine than a common experience any other reader will share. I don’t know how it is for others, but I have been through this pattern so many times myself.
I find that I sometimes get embroiled in a study of some topic. In this case, it happens to be the meaning of Yeshua’s life (or his aims). I study the topic, reading various authors, taking walks to ponder things, thinking while driving, musing while trying to go to sleep, and waking to thoughts of the same topic. The topic for a while takes over my life.
And I find I get in a sort of cycle. In the past, the cycle has been confusion, frustration, loss of perspective, and (hopefully) new insight.
Anyway, I am in the middle of thought and hoping that confusion, frustration, and loss of perspective will lead to insight. Meanwhile, all other topics bore me at the moment and though study and thought are allegedly my job, I find that a million other concerns crowd my time.
Once, when I was studying the topic of love and all its meanings between God and people, I was so frustrated for a few days, I thought I would spend the rest of my life depressed about it. Then I simply read C.S. Lewis’s The Four Loves and the issue was resolved.
I don’t know how this cycle will end. It may spiral into other questions and issues. But I know that I would not choose any other life than a life of study, no matter how agonizing it can be at times.